Blog post 6

Draft Long Essay 2.  Your post should include (at the top) an indication of what kind of feedback you are looking for from your group

Feedback: I want the focus of my story to be about finding my voice and at the end I want to make it powerful where I went from not speaking to letting my voice be heard in my singing, and writing. I feel like I dont know how to get to the point and I don't want to put unnecessary details in. 

There comes a time in everyone’s life when fear takes over. What is fear? Why does it make people hesitant? My whole life, I've been bottling up my fears. I realize that this is bad to do, but I've been trying to search for the root of it and nothing comes to my mind. All I can say is that shyness took over. All of my thoughts were trapped in my head and could not find its way out. My Mind was like a maze that could not reach its end. I wanted to talk, but I was too afraid. Being shy is something that I have struggled with most of my life and it was a struggle that was hard to overcome.                                    

                It all started when I was just starting elementary school. Everyone knows that anxious, nervous feeling people get when they start a new chapter in life. I was young, the world was right in front of me but I never quite knew how to approach it. My hands were shaking as I walked into this unfamiliar room, with unfamiliar faces. It was kindergarten. I understand that it is normal to be shy at this age, on your first day. The days rolled by and I remained silent. I felt like I physically was unable to speak, but that was not the case. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, still no change.

                The Months soon turned into years. I always had thought that something had to be wrong with me. Am I normal? Why is everyone else able to have a conversation, while i'm running away? At times, it seemed like I didn't fit in. It was like I was stuck at a crossroad and did not know which way to turn. Classmates thought I had a disability. I was considered the mute classmate. No one understood me. Whenever I needed to cough or sneeze they seemed shocked, like they didn't know I was capable of making sounds. I remember the reactions. A classmate said “she said something, she talked!” Others would try to make me say something to them, but I just slumped in my chair and ignored all the talking. I'm sure everyone was curious about me. I was the weird one. People treated me like I was on display.

                After a few years, I could tell that my parents were not happy with me. My class work was mediocre and my report cards always said “No Class Participation”. Obviously this was a problem. I transformed into a completely different person when I was home compared to school. I wouldn't shut up. I would enter rooms doing cartwheels being very lively and chatting up a storm.

                After third grade ended, my parents thought it would be best if I started fresh at a new school.  I was scared and didn't want to go but I felt like a disappointment and wanted to make a change for myself.  It was a new place with new people. Nobody knew that I didn't talk in my previous school.

                On the first day, all the students were lined up outside, waiting to enter the building. My mom walked me over to the line where my class was waiting and said goodbye. There was a girl standing in front of me that turned around and said hello. I looked at her as she was smiling at me. I took a deep breath and said hi back. This was the start of something new. Days started becoming easier for me. I had made a lot of friends. I enjoyed talking, and at points my friends couldn't get me to stop.

                I got involved in band and developed a love for singing in fifth grade chorus. It was an amazing feeling being able to use my voice to tell a story musically. Middle school approached and that that’s when worlds collided. Every elementary school in the district comes together as one for middle school and high school. This was the moment I was afraid of. I would be seeing all the people I never talked to and all my new friends that I did talk to all at the same place. This was a stressful experience.

                People remembered me and the questions and comments began. “You are that girl who didn’t talk”. “Why didn’t you speak”? “Omg you can speak”!

“Yep, that was me. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you I guess I was just shy, I responded every time. It was irritating at times and felt like I was an automated answering machine. Sorry I cannot take your call right now I’m too shy.

Yes, the comments were annoying but they eventually died down once I got to seventh grade it was old news until I decided to sing at the school talent show with my friend. I had never sung in front of people before but it was comforting to know that someone was singing with me. I wasn't alone.